Posts by Cassandra

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If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 – SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

  • Miracles HAPPEN!

    Oh my goodness!  I can’t stop smiling and laughing and doing the “gummy bear dance”!!!  Today was my first scheduled “phone check-in” with the treatment program I’ve been accepted into.  I made the call this morning, left my info, and waited for the call — no big deal — then they called and we talked, but…

  • I have lots of choices to make right now…

    I’ve been accepted into treatment, but now I’m on the waiting list and it is hard for me to stay strong sometimes.  I mean, I know that if I break apart and can’t keep myself held together — that my bed will be given to someone else.  I have to remain medically stable in order…

  • 30 days

    Today marks 30 days since I was discharged from the hospital.  Now Mercy Ministries can officially accept me as part of their waiting list… wow… it has been a long and scary 30 days though.  I kept my No Harm Contract that I signed with my doctor and a nurse at the hospital at my…

  • Knowing myself

    One of my biggest pet-peeves is when someone calls me something I’m not, like when someone calls me “manic”.  I do not have bi-polar, I have depression.  I’m highly creative and I talk a lot, but that doesn’t mean I am manic.  I have severe anxiety, but I’m not manic.  I know what mania is…

  • I got accepted into treatment!!!

    I’m so excited that I just had to share!  I was accepted into Mercy Ministries of America yesterday, after being in their application process for nearly 5 months!!  I applied while still in the hospital and now I’m waiting for a bed to open up.  I have to wait a minimum of 30 days after…

  • It’s about choices

    I just got out of the hospital, having spent 6 months at an inpatient facility – not designed for self-injury – but where I learned so much because one of the choices my doctor made was to use “Bodily Harm” as a resource in my treatment.  She read the book and it helped her understand…

  • There is hope on the other side

    I haven’t posted in a long time.  To be honest, I haven’t even visited the blog in a long time – it usually triggers me – but I felt drawn to come back tonight and visit.  I’m actively in recovery and I didn’t really realize how some of the things I believed where helping me,…

  • Self-injury DOES NOT work anymore

    I just can’t keep on doing it to myself anymore and today, I firmly believe with my whole heart and soul… that today was the last time I could ever injure myself.  It didn’t work, no matter what I did to try and make it work or give me relief — it just didn’t work.  I…

  • Feeling selfish

    I’m feeling very selfish for being in recovery.  It takes so much time everyday to work the process of recovery… which for me includes going to “meetings”, doing “step work” (I’m doing a 12 Step Program), and journalling.  I work 2 jobs, totalling 60ish hours a week,  I take the bus everyday to work (1hr…

  • True Irony

    I FINALLY found a sponsor to help me work a recovery program – it is a faith based 12 Step Program.  I’m meeting with her at church tomorrow and we are going to pray together before we start.  I’m excited, terrified, and going out of my mind — not to mention highly triggered.  I’ve tried “12 Step” programs…