Posts by ghtyfkjfk

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If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 – SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

  • I’ve spent the last three days ruminating about this one dilemma. I’m going to discuss it with someone who may help sooth me a bit tomorrow but really I think I’ll have to wait a couple weeks to get the real information I need. Maybe that’s not the case… The point is that I can…

  • what’s best for me

    Last night I broke the news to husband that I would prefer a higher level of care than the one that I’m set to go into.  It’s been confusing to sort out and thank god for the health insurance “case manager” who I’ve really bonded with over the phone and for our family therapy person. …

  • tough spot

    Very bad: wanting to look up stuff on-line that will trigger me.  Why do I want to do that?  I want to get over this.  I have not so much in the way of impulses these days.  It’s a slow steady pressure.  Impulse logs help the impulses but I haven’t found anything that helps the…

  • rejected from therapy

    Another therapy place rejected me yesterday because of the injury problem.  I thought they would be OK b/c they have DBT so they wouldn’t freak out.  There was a telephone pre-screening and I was straight about the problem… why couldn’t they just brush me off then?  Instead I waited 2 weeks for an intake and…

  • hope

    I wrote this Saturday night with the intent to post, then got interrupted: It’s now been three months of injury dominating my thoughts.  I’m sad that I’ve lost a quarter of a year to this.  I’ve barely worked, barely functioned.  If I wasn’t self-employed I’m sure I would have been fired.  I’m trying to be…

  • OK.  Last time I posted I was totally bent on harm, which I feel ashamed of now, but I also now see that I was reacting because I was very scared.  After not having done anything bad for about 6 weeks I had done something a bit worse then my normal bad.  I feel totally…

  • I’m feeling clear that self-destruction is what I really want.  I want to spiral out and maybe hold on or maybe not.  But I can’t.  I’ve been meditating on the idea that si is my choice but I can’t do that either.  I lost control.  Part of me is happy- or fed and that part…

  • I want to feel what I’m feeling.   The urges where letting off but now they’re bad again.  I feel (made up by my mind, I guess) physical pain that I need to SI to release so I have to tolerate the urge and the pain if I don’t SI.  I’ve been just sitting with the…

  • What am I getting myself into?  The urges were of the map on Friday and my day was very over-stimulating, an activity I normally relish, but it was just too much.  I didn’t give in.  I thought I was fine then ended up having a mixed episode.  HORRIFYING.   Looking back it started ramping up early…

  • how to ask for the help I want

    I want to go through the safe book with a therapist so badly that I shake when I write that out.  But I’m much too afraid and my mind goes foggy and I can’t understand how I would make that happen.  There isn’t a safe referral person in my area.  I need a script.  Would…