Hello,
It has been many many years sense I’ve been on here. You know how you try to grow up and start life and leave all behind. As the years have gone I’ve been blessed to much with my awesome husband and wonderful beautiful daughter and super understanding friends. Despite all of that the thoughts and images of self injury keep getting worse and worse. I’ll be doing the dishes and surly enough the thoughts of self injury creep in even when I’m taking a walk with my daughter. I’ve caught myself grabbing sharp things and putting them to my arms but thankfully I can pull myself back. I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember but getting Post partum depression was a whole new level of self hate and depression, I didn’t know it could get any worse until then. It’s just getting so hard to not hurt. I want to punish myself for not being the wife or mother my husband and daughter deserve. Where and what do I do from here?
I could have almost written this exact post. After my baby was born I had severe PPD and the urges to self-harm flooded back. It is a struggle and it’s easy to want to go back to what has ‘helped’ in the past. It’s hard to think of other alternatives when the mind is consumed with a new depression and exhaustion.
Seek help, please. When I was diagnosed with PPD I started to see a therapist again who was helpful. Also she connected me with a PPD support group. Knowing I wasn’t alone with how I was thinking made a huge difference. And medication did wonders – though it took a bit to find the right one.
Don’t give up. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some room to grow and learn in this new stage of your life. Being a parent is hard. Being a parent with emotional issues is even harder. Take it it one day at a time and allow time to take care of you.
I too could have wrote this! I have a 5 ur old and 1 yr old. And on my sons 1st birthday I had a full abdominal hysterectomy. Since than I’ve started self harming again. It’s horrible. Daily often and a couple times. I feel at peace knowing I’m not the only momma struggling this much! It’s so hard with PDD and post partim anxiety than all the feelings and thoughts w surgery. Wish both of u the best. And myself I guess!