It’s times like this when I wish this site were more active.  I participate in other sites that are much more active, but they are not trigger free, and some even allow/encourage pictures. Definitely not what I need right now.

My birthday has been cursed for a while now.  My Oma (grandmother in German) died three days before I turned 20.  A friend of mine killed himself on my 20th birthday, and at that time, my roommate was very suicidal and I was also being stalked.  That started a trend of anyone close to me dying on or around my birthday. My Opa (grandfather) died three days after I turned 23.  A few other people died around my birthday.  One year, I thought it would be safe to have a gathering of family for my birthday on April 1st (my birthday is March 18th), because by then, the two week period would be up, and no one would die. My Grandpa Fred died a day or two before then.

I thought the curse was finally over when my mother’s parents died.  Neither of them died anywhere near my birthday.  But, today I was given a harsh reminder that the curse still exists.  My childhood best friend (we’ve known each other since we were four) died yesterday from cancer.  Another death on my birthday.  And, I am losing my therapist as well–she is retiring. I have one more scheduled appointment with her.  She is trying to squeeze me in before that though, because she had to cancel my last appointment–she was out sick.

On top of all that, I have been kind of heading into a bit of a downward spiral.  Nothing major (yet), but just kinda heading into a bit of a depression.  (no relapses or slip ups, I’m still over seven years clean).  My med provider has warned me that I’ve been on my antidepressant long enough that it could stop working at any time now.  If that happens, he plans to just switch me to another in the same category, which should solve the problem.  I am not sure if my feeling a bit down has to do with this being my bad time of year, me losing my therapist, or my meds pooping out on me.  Hearing the news about my friend  definitely didn’t help matters any!