I feel like I’m at the very edge of what I can emotionally tolerate right now. I am scared of what I can’t control and sometimes even more scared of what I can control but don’t know/don’t want to go about doing what I need to. I’m trying not to engage in SI. Ultimately I know it won’t do anything for me, but the rage and anger are too much. I sometimes feel it’s best to SI so I can get some of that emotion out and not take it out on others.
My depression has taken a nose dive. The news makes me on edge everyday. I am scared. I am having trouble finding a job and the constant rejection makes me feel worthless. Because of my constant depression I am not being a good person at home. I’m failing those I love. I have no close friends or support. So to help I started therapy again. The therapist cancelled our second appointment. I feel worthless and unimportant. I take everything personally and feel “what is the point?”. I’m losing any sense of purpose, and self worth. I’m scared of my own selfish needs/wants not being met and I’m scared for all of us and the planet. It all is so overwhelming and I don’t know where to turn anymore. The emotions that I hold in give me a headache and I can’t stop the emotional eating. I feel like I’m screaming for help, but it gets lost and if heard is not as important as others’.
I’m losing me and I don’t know if I want to hold on much longer if there is no hope.