O.k., so I found out from a friend of mine who sees my therapist that my therapist is retiring. I’m sure she will tell me herself at our next session in a couple weeks. I have been seeing her for probably close to six years now. She is a large part of the reason I am doing as well as I am. I know I will have the option of switching to another therapist at the same practice, and I will choose that option, but it will still be a HUGE loss. I’m not sure what to do with it right now. Also, she is retiring in April, which is pretty close to my bad time of year. (My birthday is mid-March, and Feb/March/April are bad times, mostly around my birthday, because that is when a ton of bad stuff happened to me). I don’t want to make my therapist feel bad by turning to self harm after she leaves, so that is a good motivation not to hurt myself. Last year, during my bad time of year, my therapist was out of the office for a few months because she broke her foot and had to have multiple surgeries. It was REALLY hard on me, but I stayed clean because I didn’t want her to feel bad for getting injured. It wasn’t her fault she was gone so long.
Right now, I would LOVE to get really sick, or injured (accidentally), and need to be hospitalized, but I know that probably won’t happen. I will definitely not be hurting myself in the near future, which probably means I won’t be in the distant future either. I am currently home alone because my roommate has a thing she just started going to on Friday nights. This is actually a good thing–she is learning she can do things without me, so maybe she will also learn I can do things without her! But, I have to stay up until she gets home. She doesn’t like to walk alone outside in the dark, and I told her I’d walk her in the house when she gets home. She said she’d be home a little after eight, but now it’s almost nine. I have to work in the morning, but she doesn’t. I hope she gets home soon, so I can get enough sleep for work in the morning.
There are a lot of good things going on in my life right now. I bought a house in October (super stressful, but wonderful too), and we are loving it. (I am renting a room to my roommate). We have so much more room than we had in our apartment. What is super nice is we have two bathrooms now–so we each get our own! YAY! But, I also get more alone time, and private space, which means I could potentially have more access to self harm. But, I’ve been clean for a little over seven years now, so I don’t want to ruin that streak.