So, I’m now in college. Today was my first day, and I loved my classes. I’ve made two good friends and two others I see around campus. I’ve been having a blast living on campus and away from my home.
The downside is that I’ve been hurting myself every day since I’ve moved in.
I knew this was going to happen. For months during therapy I’ve lied about feeling better and feeling excited about college without telling anyone that I knew deep in my soul that as soon as I moved out of my mother’s house that I was going to start hurting myself again.
I need help. I seriously do, but I can’t go to the hospital now. I love college so much and I don’t want to leave as soon as I got here. I know that if I tell someone about what’s happened that my mom will put me in the hospital again and she won’t let me live on campus when I’m better enough to go home.
I don’t want that to happen.
I stopped myself today almost as soon as I started hurting myself. I’m seeing my mother tomorrow and I think she may see what I’ve done. I hope not. I can’t leave. I actually feel comfortable here.
I’ve thought about telling my best friend. I don’t know if I should though. I want to talk to someone about this, but I feel like I can’t. I know it’s not healthy to keep this as a secret, but it feels good. It feels right, even though I know it’s wrong.
What should I do?