I’m tirelessly waiting to start college in the fall, even though I’m terrified about what might happen when I go. I’m already mentally preparing for the stress of classes and being away from home for so long, but there’s a no weapon policy for the campus.

How will I survive for a whole semester without my tool?

I’ve been reliant on my self harm for most of my life- since I was 8 or 9 years old. I’ve been on-again off-again relapsing since the end of elementary school. How can I start college without my tool being there when I need it? How can I handle daily panic attacks and crippling depressing that I’ll have to force myself to get through without my tool being there when I need to relapse?

I don’t know how I’ll be able to do it. I’ve thought about how to sneak a tool onto campus, although I know I shouldn’t.

What should I do?