This is my first time returning to this site in years. I struggled with severe self injury 7 years ago, went through the S.A.F.E. Inpatient & Outpatient programs, and have done so well since then, only having a small relapse once/year or so .
However, I have had a setback lately… I wouldn’t say there has been a trigger, or an emotionally damaging situation that has made my thoughts revert to self injury.. I’m on medication for depression, and I feel as if it’s not working as well as it should. I’ve been consumed with the urge, and have finally found myself incapable of saying “no.”
I’m so conflicted, because I know I shouldn’t do it, I know it’s not the correct way to handle my emotions, and I know I should want to stop for me. Sometimes it just gets so hard to continue to be strong day in and day out, and consistently tell myself no. I have thoughts about it not every day, but at least two-three times a week. I have been so good at saying “no” but lately it’s just been so much harder..
I’m going to see a therapist again…I stopped going because I was doing really well. It’s discouraging to know that I can’t just keep the good momentum going on my own. It’s exhausting to think about being plagued by this need for the rest of my life. I know I will continue to say no to the best of my ability, because I am strong, and I am worth it, and I know that.
Some days it’s just harder than others to believe myself when I say it… I’m a huge follower of TWLOHA, and I love their vision statement… “The vision is the possibility that we’re more loved than we’ll ever know. The vision is hope, and hope is real.” If only I can keep reminding myself of that every day.