I just found out today my 12 year old daughter is self injuring herself. What little she could say was that she was stressed but not sure why and that it provided her relief. Our pediatrician recommended counseling to help figure out the “why”, which we’ll set up, but sometimes it takes a while to get your first appointment.
Our pediatrician recommended a private journal might be helpful. My daughter agreed and we bought her one today.
How can I help her other than letting her know our door is always open, she can talk to us about anything and that we love her no matter what? I think I reacted well (all things considering), not in anger, just listening and letter her know we’ll help her in any way we can. What I really wanted to do was cry and then take all the doors off the hinges and wrap her in bubble wrap and never let her out of my sight.
~ From one overwhelmed and super scared mom
First of all, I want to say thank you for not totally freaking out!! I can definitely understand wanting to remove all the doors and wrap your daughter in bubble wrap–I know my mom probably wanted to do that with me as well. Staying calm, and assuring your daughter you are there for her is the best thing you can do. Counseling will definitely help–your daughter will probably need individual counseling. Also, family counseling might be a good idea as well–that way, you can talk about how this affects the whole family in a safe place so your daughter doesn’t feel picked on/made to feel guilty etc., but does realize that her actions affect more than just herself.
I know for me, one of the things that made me feel badly about harming myself was that I KNEW my actions hurt others. But, I couldn’t always stop myself. Then I would feel guilty and want to hurt myself more. It was a catch 22 type situation. But I also know it was important for others to tell me how my actions affected them. And, if they had just cried and screamed and yelled at me, that would NOT have been good. I did have some family therapy sessions with my parents, and that was more constructive. They got to say what they needed, I got to say what I needed, and I don’t think anyone felt ganged up on or anything.
So far, it sounds like you are handling things well, even though it is a tough and scary situation. No families journey is the same with this, but this is something that can be overcome. I have been six years injury free now. For me, it was a long hard road, and I did some very serious stuff. But I got better. If I can get better, anyone can!
esoper1976, thank you so much for responding. I like the idea of family counseling, too, and will make sure I follow up on that.
Congrats on being 6 year injury free now, it gives me hope that there is hope for my daughter that given the right tools and support she, too, can get to a place where she can be injury free.
I have delt with and helped a lot of young ones who hurt themselves and or have been hurt by others. But nothing prepares you for the bombshell that it is your own child self-harming.
I too just found out yesterday that my daughter is injuring. Apparently she has been for a while. She told me in a letter she left for me in my car. As I read the letter my heart dropped and I started crying. Uncontrollable tears. After I had my little melt down, I took a deep breath and asked myself what in the world did I do wrong. Then I realized it’s not about me. I pulled myself together had a glass of wine email and sat down with my daughter and told her how proud I was of herfor reaching out to me.
I just sat there and let her do all the talking. Which is hard for me because I like to push and probe with a lot of questions.
After letting her just talk and get it out, she agreed to some help. We are going to talk to her pediatrician. Hopefully she will help us get the help we need.
Hang in there OneScaredMom. Together we will get our girls happy again. Much support for you and your family.
@amomslove13, I am so sorry you’re going through the same thing. You’re right, it is a bombshell we’re not prepared for.
Take hope in the fact your daughter did reach out to you, that is a great sign she’s ready to face whatever it is that is bothering her to do such a thing as self harm.
I long for the day to see my daughter happy again and hope that we’ll get there.
Sending lots of support right back at you amomslove13.
sorry if this doesn’t help but I’ve been a self harmer sense i was 10 and i thought it helped because i got do depressed that i didn’t feel emotion so all that energy i could have let out from crying build up because i was physically unable to cry. i found that when i injured i could release all that mental pressure, then i evolved to see it more as a was of self punishment. one thing i found that helped was to talk to others currently or those who used to self harm and see their side, to see that i wasn’t alone and thought that i could feel a little better knowing that someone who REALLY knows what its like is looking out for me and me for them.