Every once and awhile, I hurt. When I’m at work, I put a rubber band on my wrist just without thinking. When I get home, that’s when my gut is squeezing. I look at myself, realize that on my wrist is the rubber band, and my awareness of my body triples. I start to feel my heart beating in spots that I wasn’t expecting. Where nobody should every feel their heart beating. Those are the places where my skin calls.
I feel happy, most days, but then every once and awhile, I hurt. I think right now, I’m confused, I’m not sure what my future has in hold for me. I’m fighting with myself about my sexuality. I have only been in a relationship with a male, but I have loved both a male and a female. I feel like I may be bisexual. I want to try to explore this, but I am not sure what to do if my family were to find out.
I’m just confused. But due to all this confusion it makes me want to find some sort of control for how to fix these feelings. I know what I want to do isn’t the right decision. So maybe I’ll try dating other females? But I’m really not sure.
I just need some light on what to do, or I need something so I don’t feel like SI is the only option…
I’ll become a butterfly one day.