It feels like life can be a game leaving me thinking that all of this here in this world is so superficial; why anyone would continue to do anything – what’s the purpose? Why do I continue to take the medications that are suppose to make me feel better, or why do I continue to attend therapy sessions? Yes, it all helps for now, but what happens when I’m done with therapy and medication? I’ve returned to self – injuring again, and although it happens less frequently now, it’s something that I don’t foresee ever going away completely. Even when I wasn’t engaged in my main form of self – injury, a lesser form took its place for times when the urge was too much. It’s a crutch. Something that I’ve leaned on far too long. I am ashamed that after all these years, I sill self – injure. I’m confused about why it is I still feel so detached from life to such an extent that I can no longer see a purpose. Life seems so superficial; so contrived. We live, struggle though the materialism that is now life, and then die.
It’s these moments of clarity when I’m reminded of how self – injuring becomes so alluring. How other addictions can become so consuming. It’s easier to mask or avoid those difficult moments of detachment than it is to endure them. Or it’s the opposite – because of these moments, I self – injure just to feel something, feel real, feel less superficial.
I feel alone and hopeless.
hi just wanna say I TOTALLY get you. I am in the same boat. It is an addiction. It is just as difficult to quit self-harming as it is to quit drinking alcohol, or drugs. And my problem I’ve found out, is that there is hardly any help out there regarding this issue. Out of state programs that my insurance doesn’t cover, couple support groups near by but don’t take my insurance and are $50 a session (each week) for one 1.5 hour group. I am broke. What does one do to get help they very much need when financially stressed.? Do you find this as well? I started self-harming at an older age. I am 33 now and have self-harmed for past 5 years. I am so very used to it and accustomed to it, I find it impossible to quit. I have quit for 5, 6, 7 months at a time but i always resort back to it eventually. It is so strong, so powerful. It can totally consume you. I understand. You are not alone. And I really hope you are not hopeless, cuz then I am too. I often feel hopeless though. Feel ashamed, embarrassed, of myself. And feel I will never heal and get over all of this. I want to stress how you are NOT at all alone in this. there are many of us out there.
It’s go reassuring to hear that there other adults out there that are going through similar situations as me. It really is difficult to find the resources when so many of the obvious ones are unaccessible. I hope that you keep looking and find a group that will work out for you.
Trying to break the draw of self – injuring is so difficult. I haven’t used SI since about November (my husband thinks that the last time I did it was over the summer), but it still is on my mind just about every day. It would be so easy to just give into doing it one more time. You’re exactly right; you grow accustom to it, which makes it more difficult to quit. Each day without SI is a small victory.