I haven’t been here for a while but I feel the need to be here now because I am feeling huge rushes of various emotions and it is freaking me out. Wow. Calmer already. What I have after that, I guess, is a need to tell my story. Which isn’t something I’m up for preforming, as much as I’m up for looking at it. Which is really weird because I am very open about a lot of parts of my life, though I’ve had some extreme experiences– but I guess I’m not open at all about this. Even entirely within my own mind. It’s very good that I have medication near by. I know how to reach out. I haven’t felt tempted by this for a long time, not very strongly… give exception to a few times. All I know for sure is that it has come back up on my radar, and it wasn’t there before. By “before” I might only mean a couple weeks of total absence from my radar but nothing much has happened for a few years now. I think I just keep getting better and better. I know it. But it’s wierd when it pops back up. That’s when I have to remember that it isn’t fate. It’s coming from within me. And all just stay really close to all the recovery skills. They are a rope of sailor’s knots to hold onto when it’s rough. Maybe I am applying them just automaticly when I’m doing well. Or maybe I don’t really need them when I’m doing well. …but to keep them all lined up. Maybe that’s part of revisiting this space. I can’t believe the person I’ve become– I just am more comfortable taking up space all the time. Asking for help used to be impossible. First off, you can’t ask for it if you’d even know you need it– that you exist and you have rights. I’m a Mom and my kid had a rough time through all the recovery. He’s probably starting college this week. Things could always go south, but they are looking very very north. Thanks for letting me check in.