First time user. I have been struggling for a while, especially the last year or so.
26 year old single mom that still lives at home with my parents, brother, sister, and my daughter. have a job but not a career been looking but can’t find anything.
Im epileptic so on meds for that for about the last 10 years have been on and off having ok times. I am on meds for depression but don’t believe they are doing anything. have been on and off birth control for years. About two years ago finally made a change and started doing really well. Broke up with my daughters father, made changes to better myself and make me happy got braces that i really wanted decided to start working out eating better. Overall changing my life to be the example i wanted to set for my daughter.
This last year I started birth control again and thats when i really noticed a lot of my changes. Eating worst, gaining weight back, no interest in anything, wanting to be around other people yet at the same time not wanting to leave my house let alone my room. stopped working out, sleeping all the time. along with not giving a care in the world noticed that in the last year I’ve more than doubled the number of people i have slept with. Ive never been in what i would consider to be a real relationship where seems the other person actually wanted to be around me always felt like i was begging them for attention. So i have been looking for some kind of attention in all the wrong ways. I have always been the odd wheel, wanted nothing more than be in a relationship that i feel loved and wanted. I see everyone around me in happy relationships, getting married, starting families. (i know that i need to love myself before anyone else loves me but still doesnt make me want it any less. just don’t feel that i deserve anything from anyone and i want someone to prove to myself that i am worth loving)
I have no one i can talk to everyone that knows how sad and depressed i am doesn’t want to hear it anymore. Their response just seems to be should go talk to someone (which is something i already know). All is easier said than done. When i was diagnosed with my epilepsy felt that i was always teased about it by my family (mom, dad, sister, and brother) which leads me not to want to admit that i have another thing wrong with me when i still live with them makes it hard, don’t think i can take their ridicule. Plus I’m still on my dads health insurance so don’t want to have that show on there that I’m seeing anyone don’t have the money to pay for it off insurance.
Having my daughter is the only thing that keeps me going, without out her i don’t know where i would be.
Overall, im so depressed and in know the moves i need to make just don’t know how to with my budget and lack of support. if you actually read this appreciate it just needed a way to vent.