I dont know why Im here right now.  I just got back from vacation.  I had a decent time. Ive spent all morning in bed this morning, not because I’m depressed or anything, but Im just relaxing for once.  Taking the day for me.  I want to SI.  Really bad.   Actually I have wanted to a few times, even on vacation.  I didnt take my tools cuz we flew (thats not important i know).  But idk.  I just dont know what to do.  I dont want to be constantly thinking of si, wanting to si, constantly thinking of food, worrying about over eating, just going back to my eating disorder.  I relapsed about 6 weeks ago with my ED.  I dont want to go back there.  I see the physical harm from the ed.  I dont even know why im here right now.  Its been months since i posted.