I dont know why Im here right now. I just got back from vacation. I had a decent time. Ive spent all morning in bed this morning, not because I’m depressed or anything, but Im just relaxing for once. Taking the day for me. I want to SI. Really bad. Actually I have wanted to a few times, even on vacation. I didnt take my tools cuz we flew (thats not important i know). But idk. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to be constantly thinking of si, wanting to si, constantly thinking of food, worrying about over eating, just going back to my eating disorder. I relapsed about 6 weeks ago with my ED. I dont want to go back there. I see the physical harm from the ed. I dont even know why im here right now. Its been months since i posted.