Hi Everyone
Not sure where to start or what to say. It bothers me to talk about this because I have this fear of being crazy, of being judged and looked down on for what I do. I’m 42 yr old female single no children that moved back home and live with my mom. My dad unexpectedly dropped dead at home in his computer chair on June 11 2014. The self injury has become more noticeable to me lately, I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I take plenty of meds for it so it’s under control for the most part, I also have some OCD habits so that definitely doesn’t help things.
I had to stop and go back and delete what I was writing, I started to go into to much details. My first recollection of self harm was in the 3rd grade. The way I injure, I’ll just leave it at that but its pretty severe at times. I’ve never really known why I started, I’m thinking it’s the anxiety. Tonight I was at it again when it dawned on me that I need to stop. I’ve stopped before for a while but never for long. I don’t know if I can stop, but I thought I would try this and see if it helped. I’ve never talked to anyone else before who understood where I was coming from.
I’m open to any and all ideas and thoughts, I’ll also answer any questions as honestly as I can, I just don’t know how far I can go because I don’t want to write anything that would be a trigger. How does anyone stop? just looking for some insight. Thanks for listening, that means a lot as I’m sure you understand. I hope everyone has a great day and week. I’ll check back in later.
TTYL
Kyssarya
I had the same fears that you did. The fear of being judged, of being called crazy, of losing friends or family. For a long time I didn’t tell anybody about how I was feeling or about my SI. One day, I was spending time with a new friend. I wasn’t scared of losing him because I hadn’t known him very long and it wouldn’t hurt very much if he wanted to stop being friends with me after I told him about all my problems and about my SI. It was risky and one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. But I plucked up the courage and told him everything. I felt so much better and turns out he was SIing as well. He didn’t sit there and try to make me feel better. He didn’t tell me it was all going to be okay. He told me that it is hard and there’s nothing I could do about my situation except go through it and hope to get to the other side of it alright. He said I was in a dark place. He said he was in his own dark place as well and maybe we could keep each other company in our own dark place.
From what I can tell, my situation is much different than yours. I’m not sure if I, or if anyone for that matter, can tell you how to stop or how to get better. It’s a journey that you can certainly have company for, but one that you have to take control of on your own. Figure out what works best for you. Find hobbies to keep your mind off SI, find a support group, keep posting here, or find a friend of your own to keep you company in your own dark place.
I hate that I can’t offer up any more advice than this, but I thought a reply of some sort would be better than nothing at all.
I wish you the best of luck and I’m very sorry if this doesn’t help at all. I genuinely tried to give you at least a little something.