I haven’t been on this blog in probably over a year. I’m starting to really struggle again because I’m having a hard time working through what’s happened to me. I’m such a passive person that I have a really hard time standing up for myself. That’s why I can’t ever say no. No matter how badly I want to say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ I can’t. I just freeze up and can’t do it. That’s how the assaults happened. I know that people tell you that it’s not the victim’s fault but I feel like somehow it is my fault. How does one person manage to get assaulted three times in less than six months? Not being able to say no is really killing me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I couldn’t even tell anyone about the latest assault. When it happened yesterday I considered going to the hospital to let them do a rape kit but I just couldn’t get myself to do that again. I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t go through it again. I feel so trapped. I need to be able to talk about what happened but I can’t. I couldn’t even tell the guy that I’m basically dating and I tell him everything. I don’t know what to do now.