Can anyone that has SI’d offer some advice? I have a 14 year old daughter and we have just discovered tonight that she has SI again. Did this once before about 8 months ago and now I have found tools agin and she admitted quickly and showed without hesitation. She said she thought we knew, and she claims it is about 2 weeks old. why does my beautiful daughter want to scar herself? We have seen counsellors over the past couple years, but stopped going for lack of communication between them and myself- they offer me no plan or ideas to help her. I know she had shown signs of depression for a couple years and we are now going to a new therapist and Tuesday will be 2 visit. Is it because she knows she is adopted? She was taken from her birth mother at age 6 for neglect, no physical abuse. She is know separated from the 2 younger brothers she helped care for all during those years she lived in poor, filthy conditions with a bowl of ramen noodles for every meal. She got no positive attention from her birth mother, a maternal bond was never established and she cannot be affectionate now. She stays in contact with her birth mother via her cell phone, to which I do not agree with but can’t no longer stop. I try not to speak negative about her. Any words of wisdom?
I see that this post is about a week old, you have my apologies for the delayed response. It is so hard to find out one you love is struggling with something like this, it hurts to watch them struggle. As far as the “why” behind this, there could be a number of reasons as to why someone does this. You mentioned depression, perhaps that is her reason? Because I am not her, I cannot say for sure. However, what I can do is give you some ideas. Good listening is so so important. As a person who struggles with the temptation almost on a daily basis, I can tell you that those few who know listening to me has been key in helping me to get the behavior from a regular happening to now being four months clean, and key in helping me work through the really hard times when I want to do it still. Let her know that you are there for her, that she can come to you, and stick with your word on that (in other words, don’t just say it, but do it). Patience is also key. Without the patience of those who know, I would still be just as active of a self-harmer as I was. Also, encouragement. Little notes, letting her know you are thinking of her and love her go a long long way. Let her lead the conversations. If she talks about SI, okay, if not, okay. I also want to add that I am so grateful that you reached out here for help, not everyone is so willing to try and understand this behavior. I want to invite you to email me with any questions you have, or if you just want to talk about this some more. I can pretty much tell you from personal experience anything you want to know and answer any questions you have (I’ve done loads of research into this myself). My email is
tranquilwaterfall@gmail.com
I think it is wonderful that you care about your daughter. It is very difficult to go through this alone, so it is good to have somebody to lean on. Your daughter, not unlike me, is probably working on fully letting you in on this. It takes time and patience. Be kind, act “normal” so you don’t freak her out, and you will probably get her to talk. It is good to have a day out every once and a while, so you can go out and enjoy something with her, and show her that while you give her some space and let her decide if she wants help, you are still her family and you still are there to support her! Hope this helped.
I feel like a hypocrite though, because I only dream of this response. I hope this works well, because to me it seems really helpful.