I dont even know where to begin. my 17 yr old daughter needs help, and so do i..i don;t know what to do.  it started about memorial weekend this year….   she’s a straight A student, by her own doing, we don;t pressure her about grades, she expects the best from herself. she plays volleyball and softball. she does not have a job. she does not have a car. she has a boyfriend. her BF is the one who told me about her injuring herself….she sent him a picture, he sent it to me.  Last night he text me…she’s doing it again, although i don;t know if she ever stopped. i have not seen the injuries. he told me where the tools are…i found them this morning, i took them, but then i put them back….i don;t want her to know he is telling me, she needs to be able to trust him. she was going to a therapist..about 5 times, but forgot the last time and hasn’t rescheduled, she was going on her own.  Today she told me she doesn’t like to go, all she does is talk about what happened the past week.  she is on an antidepressant now, only 3 weeks….it was either anti depressant or birth control..her blood work is normal, her periods are normal, so we decided on an anti depressant plus a headache med because she’s had daily headaches (mild) since 3rd grade.

she says she is exhausted trying to pretend at school that everything is ok, that she is happy. her friends get on her nerves. she is a people pleaser, makes sure everyone else is happy..if they aren’t, it makes her sad and takes responsibility. If her volleyball teammate has a bad spike, she blames herself, she didn;t set the ball good enough.  She plays sports for HER..not for me. I’ve told her she doesn’t have to play,. but she enjoys playing with her friends, but if her friends are sitting the bench, she feels guilty because she is out there playing.    she does’t know why she feels the way she does..she wants it to go away. she doesn’t want her friends to know how bad she is…they drive her crazy (Im reading her texts to me from last night.  she does not know I know she injures herself….her bf is the only one that knows, but her friends said they saw the injuries during volleyball, they asked her, she said she ran into the door handle. meds keep her at a mellow level she said..she doesn’t feel happy, but doesn’t feel super sad…tired all the time, and she doesn’t want to be around people, esp her friends.    since volleyball is over, she comes home after school, goes into her room, and watches NETFLIX shows in the dark, laying in bed. she says she feels totally different than she used to feel, like she isn;’t the same person. she feels like she is the complete opposite of her friends.  she said she tries to do what makes her happy, but it’s hard cause she wants other people to be happy.  she said she is different because she is worried about everyones happiness.  i asked if she is doing things just to please her friends, she said kind of. I asked if she was afraid to say no, she said kind of.  she isn’t having sex yet…she promises she isn’t. and she wears a purity ring. she’s adamant about that!!  I don’t know what to do.  I don;t know if we should try different meds, idk if we should find a new therapist (Which is hard to schedule because she is busy with softball conditioning after school).  I’m lost and I can’t stop crying.