Here I am, almost two years into grad school and I may not pass my benchmark class. I am freaking out. I was so confident. I thought I knew it all. Of the 9 people, three of us didn’t get a passing mark. So I have to redo the paper. Which is amazing since they usually don’t do a redo in this specific course. So I am truly grateful that I get this redo with three of my classmates. I don’t understand how this is happening. I have NEVER gotten less than an A on my writing throughout my whole program. Now this stupid TEACHER is saying my writing isn’t enough. That I’m missing the mark?? Yeah I agree, that I missed a point. I get that I messed up. Now? Now im in class doing one more assignment until I redo this one so im not even sure if I get to stay with this group I started with. I cant lose my group. But I have to remember that I cant stay in something because of a group. I keep wondering if I will want to keep going. I keep saying Ill drop out. I just don’t get it. I don’t even want to do this anymore. but this is really what I love. Its what Im good at doing. So I cant quit. But driving to school I was having a panic attack. I was freaking out on my way here. I could barely breathe. I was trying so hard not to cry and to focus on staying safe and driving even. I get to school and I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t sit there for an hour and watch this video and take the right amount of notes without freaking out. So I SI-ed. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I focused through the video though. However, Now….I don’t know how I feel. I keep eating in class. I need to stop. I need to stop doing this and not freak out. I just cant… I don’t know. I need to go back to class and focus.
What about talking to someone about this? An outside (the school) therapist? A counselor at school? Advisor? The teacher? It’s okay to ask for help and to vent – which is why it’s awesome you came here to the blog and shared. That is a great step. Grad school is challenging and asking for help is an okay thing to do. If you show them it’s worth it to you to fight for, that will mean something. Just dropping out may SEEM easy, but it’ll hang over your head. If nothing else, talk to an advisor to see if this is truly the path you want to remain on. That’s why they are there.
In the meantime, keep taking care and reaching out. You are worth fighting for.
Keep your head up, I am a sophmore in highschool and frequently feel the same, but I go to my guidiance counsler every now and then when it becomes too much