Here I am, almost two years into grad school and I may not pass my benchmark class. I am freaking out.  I was so confident.  I thought I knew it all.  Of the 9 people, three of us didn’t get a passing mark.  So I have to redo the paper.  Which is amazing since they usually don’t do a redo in this specific course.  So I am truly grateful that I get this redo with three of my classmates.  I don’t understand how this is happening.  I have NEVER gotten less than an A on my writing throughout my whole program.  Now this stupid TEACHER is saying my writing isn’t enough.  That I’m missing the mark?? Yeah I agree, that I missed a point.  I get that I messed up.  Now? Now im in class doing one more assignment until I redo this one so im not even sure if I get to stay with this group I started with.  I cant lose my group.  But I have to remember that I cant stay in something because of a group.  I keep wondering if I will want to keep going.  I keep saying Ill drop out.  I just don’t get it.  I don’t even want to do this anymore.  but this is really what I love. Its what Im good at doing.  So I cant quit.  But driving to school I was having a panic attack.  I was freaking out on my way here. I could barely breathe. I was trying so hard not to cry and to focus on staying safe and driving even.  I get to school and I couldn’t focus.  I couldn’t sit there for an hour and watch this video and take the right amount of notes without freaking out.  So I SI-ed.  I’m still not sure how I feel about it.  I focused through the video though.  However, Now….I don’t know how I feel.  I keep eating in class.  I need to stop.  I need to stop doing this and not freak out.  I just cant… I don’t know. I need to go back to class and focus.