Here I am, almost two years into grad school and I may not pass my benchmark class. I am freaking out. I was so confident. I thought I knew it all. Of the 9 people, three of us didn’t get a passing mark. So I have to redo the paper. Which is amazing since they usually don’t do a redo in this specific course. So I am truly grateful that I get this redo with three of my classmates. I don’t understand how this is happening. I have NEVER gotten less than an A on my writing throughout my whole program. Now this stupid TEACHER is saying my writing isn’t enough. That I’m missing the mark?? Yeah I agree, that I missed a point. I get that I messed up. Now? Now im in class doing one more assignment until I redo this one so im not even sure if I get to stay with this group I started with. I cant lose my group. But I have to remember that I cant stay in something because of a group. I keep wondering if I will want to keep going. I keep saying Ill drop out. I just don’t get it. I don’t even want to do this anymore. but this is really what I love. Its what Im good at doing. So I cant quit. But driving to school I was having a panic attack. I was freaking out on my way here. I could barely breathe. I was trying so hard not to cry and to focus on staying safe and driving even. I get to school and I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t sit there for an hour and watch this video and take the right amount of notes without freaking out. So I SI-ed. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I focused through the video though. However, Now….I don’t know how I feel. I keep eating in class. I need to stop. I need to stop doing this and not freak out. I just cant… I don’t know. I need to go back to class and focus.