If I could swear in all caps on this site I would, but apparently I can’t, because it’s against the rules.
And that’s exactly what’s driving me crazy. Rules. Why?
Graduate school was never meant to be easy, even in a field that is supposed to be easy……..something I’ve found out in my program thus far. What I don’t understand is why the staff for the thesis option keep on saying XYZ style is acceptable and then last minute they say the style is too old, and now they want the new style, but none of your literature lends itself to the new style. So I had to move to non-thesis option just for the sake of getting my degree on time, and keep my lit review as independent study. I checked on search engines though and there are PLENTY of articles using the old style that were published fine. So why won’t the school accept it???
But all along, administrators have been giving me problems. All my life. And I don’t know when it’s ever going to stop being “they dropped the ball but they don’t have to answer for their actions; you are the one that has to deal with it.” I’ve been getting that for the last year now, and I’m sick of it. SICK OF IT. And when I told them this, they told me to stop being rude. Yes, I was rude, and I was sorry if I’d hurt someone’s feelings. But that was then. Now, I don’t care who I hurt. I’m really angry.
And I’ve tried, TRIED so many times to do research and every time it has been thwarted by something. And I’ve been forced to drop it just so I can get a move on and move on to the next thing. Once was a lab that forced people out at the end of every semester because they didn’t have the guts to tell us they were losing money. Once I was ill, so ill I couldn’t walk. And now this. I feel like this is the world telling me that I’m just not made for a research career/too stupid to do it because I can’t plan things right or if I do something goes wrong anyway and it sets me back.
And I regret coming here, but it was either that or stay near home for this program, a place where my parents could come in every weekend and give me flack about how what I’m doing is a waste of my time and money and intelligence, and then ask me why I worry so much and that I need to stop whining. I am an adult. Why do I even bother letting them into my life???? And the horrible part is no matter what I do I would be getting the same garbage from them. It doesn’t matter the field or program. And I want to SI (why can’t I even use the words on here? another issue) but I can’t, so I can’t do that either. I am going to remain horribly critical of others and myself for the rest of my life. I don’t see any way out of this extremely frustrating life I live.