I’m feeling pretty desperate today for a relief from my anxiety. Alcohol and drugs don’t work, I’ve tried it. I tried both last night and it made it worse so I stopped. I’m over those things I think. I’ve been waking up about 4am with this paralyzing anxiety every morning. I usually fall back asleep within a couple hours after. Today it’s stuck around all day šŸ™ it’s worse now. I took a 15 min break from work now to try to calm down. I feel like it’s a fever breaking, except these always “break” with tears. It’s such a relief when I finally cry from the built up anxiety. I wish I could force that and get it over with. I feel the tightness on my throat when you’re about to cry. All the noises are so loud and the lights are all so bright. My “flight or fight” button is so broken. I am sort of at a loss for what to do. I’ve used all my coping skills, I’ve done everything I know! It’s not working and I feel so alone šŸ™ I’m desperate enough to try self harm when I get home but I’m afraid if I do it just this once that I’ll get “hooked” and it will be hard to stop. I’m also afraid I’ll feel ashamed of myself and start that cycle up. It’s probably not worth the risk of either of those things. But even thinking of the process of getting everything ready is calming.