My self worth is tied to getting a job and I don’t know how to change this. I am struggling to hang on, be patient and not get discouraged everyday. It is tough and I am getting depressed more every day that goes by and I get another rejection or nothing at all. I am an educated person with experience and I can’t even get noticed. I know competition is tough, but I thought it would be easier than this. I am an introverted person too, which doesn’t help matters – especially when it comes to ‘networking’. But I do try. I feel that my efforts are a waste. I feel my education has been a waste. I am working part-time right now just to get some money. I recently saw some of the people I graduated with (who now all have jobs), as well as a person who interviewed me (then rejected me) a few months ago while I was working. It took everything in me to wait until I got to the bathroom to cry. I just feel so inferior. I know it’s not their fault and I know I can choose how to react and what kind of attitude to have, but it is difficult to remain positive.
I recently saw some family and all they wanted to know was what job I had or was getting. Not about how I am doing, how my life is beyond that, but only about a job -as if I am not worthy unless I have a job that compares to what other members of my family are doing. I feel like such a loser (for lack of a better word). I feel stuck and not moving forward in life. I worked so hard for my education, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it, and those that are hiring don’t appreciate it. I feel stupid, embarrassed and ashamed. I should be doing more with my life at this point in my life and I am not, and everyone can see it and I feel like I am getting judged for it. I sometimes get so bitter and discouraged SI seems like a reasonable outlet to take out my frustrations because I feel like the position I am in is all my fault and it all comes back to punishing myself for where I am at. I know SI won’t help or change anything, but sometimes I feel as if SI gives me what I deserve.