Its been a while since I came on here. I cant say ive been better or worse. Its been a daily battle, a constant thought, a constant reminder that I will never really go a day without the thoughts of self harm. Which at this point, I have come to terms with. I get it, I wont be free from this. I just wish I didnt have to be so weak and give into it sometimes. I feel like my SI patterns have gotten much better, I can go a month or two without giving up and doing it. I just hate that I harm during times that are really going well!!!! This last time I injured, i had just gotten back from a road trip with my bff. Like we had an amazing time, went to an amazing concert did so much fun stuff, then I get home and injure. Its like I get the idea in my head, and if its been too long I fixate on it until I do it. Idk. Im just disappointed with myself at this point.
I can relate to you on a lot of things here. Thinking about SI day after day after day is so hard! And I, like you, have gone home and injured after going out with a friend. Is it because I fixated on it so much? I think that is part of it. I also wonder if I was also sad that the good time was over, and feeling a bit lonely. I wonder if that is the same with you? When you got home from your road trip and concert, and you self-harmed, you may have done it because you fixated on it a lot. But I am wondering if you were also feeling sad because the good time was over, and perhaps feeling a bit lonely after having spent time with your friend? Just a thought.