Its been a while since I came on here.  I cant say ive been better or worse.  Its been a daily battle, a constant thought, a constant reminder that I will never really go a day without the thoughts of self harm.  Which at this point, I have come to terms with.  I get it, I wont be free from this.  I just wish I didnt have to be so weak and give into it sometimes.   I feel like my SI patterns have gotten much better, I can go a month or two without giving up and doing it.  I just hate that I harm during times that are really going well!!!!  This last time I injured, i had just gotten back from a road trip with my bff.  Like we had an amazing time, went to an amazing concert did so much fun stuff, then I get home and injure.   Its like I get the idea in my head, and if its been too long I fixate on it until I do it.  Idk.  Im just disappointed with myself at this point.