Okay, so this has really been bugging me lately and I want to know what anyone out there has to say on this, particularly those of you who are married. Who is going to want someone with all of these self-inflicted scars on her? What kind of person is going to want to marry a person who has, well, all of that?
I have a few ways I could answer this question, but I think the most effective would be – would YOU want to marry someone who had self inflicted scars? What would you feel about that person? Would it cause you not to “like” them, or would it perhaps cause you to feel compassion?
Something to really think about……..
Compassion for sure. I would marry someone for their heart, not for their appearances. For such things as one’s looks change over time, whereas the heart can stay as beautiful as the first day you met them, or even grow to be more beautiful.
I wanted to reply to your post. I am married and have been for a few years. One of the first times my (now) husband saw me was when I was sitting outside wearing shorts. He saw my scars and thought I was in an accident of some kind. I didn’t know him well at the time and let him believe that. Gradually we got to know each other and develop a deeper relationship. Eventually I told him the truth. I knew if I wanted the relationship to continue I wanted him to know the truth. I felt it was only fair to him and me. He could see beyond the scars because he had already gotten to know me as a person and know my heart. He did not judge me or turn away, but had compassion and tried to understand(which did take some time). He knew that to accept all of me also meant to accept my scars and that was okay with him, because it was only a fraction of who I was. He never made me feel ashamed or embarrassed.
Not all people are so kind, compassionate or understanding. And those that aren’t are not worth the energy of pursing a relationship. But there are those who do have the understanding, compassion and love that is able to see beyond the scars to see the beautiful person that you are. Everyone struggles – some more than others, and sometimes those struggles are more visible. To me, and I think to my husband, some of my scars represent that struggle and my willingness to endure and survive.
Despite my scars and my past he wanted to marry me.I consider myself lucky that he is my husband. And there are many individuals out there that have a similar mind and heart who see the scars but also see the person too and choose to get to know that person, love and and maybe marry that person for all of who they are, and who has “all of that”.
Hi,
I too really wanted to reply to this post.
I’m engaged and while my partner and I rarely discuss my issues with self injury I know he never saw it as an problem when we started dating and when he asked me to marry him. And in my experience he isn’t in the minority. I’ve been out with some lovely guys who are not bothered by it, either asking honestly out of interest or giving me my privacy.
You aren’t alone in these problems and with increasing publicity I think people are starting to understand SI and the fear of it is reducing bit by bit. But please also remember that’s not all you are (I know it’s hard at times!). If someone doesn’t want to be with you because of one aspect of your life then they aren’t worthy of all you have to offer. I hope this helps a bit.
I’ve had the same worries, that is if I wanted a relationship at all. I’m generally a serious person, and I’ve wondered how someone is going to be able to see that and get me to lighten up at the same time. Sometimes I feel it would be excusable if I said it was from surgery, but that’s not where I’ve had surgery in the past. I can’t even use that excuse.