I wish that somehow I could just completely change myself. I hate that I always take things so personally, I hate being the person that takes every little comment to heart. I feel so vulnerable all the time because I react so emotionally to everything. I try to let things go and to not get upset about little things and yet I can’t help but experience everything in the extremes. A simple negative comment or criticism automatically makes my head jump to the conclusion that I’m a horrible person and that the other person hates me. It makes it so difficult for me to maintain relationships because I always overreact. I know that it’s all part of having borderline personality disorder tendencies but I really sincerely hate it. I hate myself so much. I’m so frustrated with myself and I know that if I tried talking to anyone about my frustration that they wouldn’t understand. Last fall I was told that I was borderline bulimic and then months passed and a lot of things happened and now I’m heavier than I used to be and it’s driving me crazy. I remember how awful it was when I had problems with eating and yet none of that seems to matter. I so desperately want to go back to it that it’s just eating at me. I feel depressed not controlling my intake to the extent that I want to. I know everyone seems to think I’m crazy or irrational for wanting to go back to the eating problem but I just loathe myself so much. For me it’s worse being “healthy” than it is having disordered eating. I feel so hopeless, how am I supposed to work through my depression if so much of it is tied to hating my body?