Thank you for this board! There are so few places where ppl who SI can express themselves and be accepted.  It is incredible.  Even if no one comments or replies, it’s therapeutic to put it out there.  That’s a duh, I know.  But I wanted to say it anyway.

As for my SI, I am still struggling and I have to be in Az in a week and I have fresh spots and I can’t seem to let my old ones heal.  What am I going to do?!.  I am going to be expected to wear shorts, short sleeves and even a bathing suit.  I will be with family which is almost worse because they expect me to be open about these things.  If I were with strangers I could beg off especially on the swimsuit.  Panic is rising.  What am I going to do?  The SI is worse than it has in a long time.  In the past I have been able to contain it somewhat except in the winter when clothes can cover up anything.  I know this doesn’t make sense but I am getting really scared.  There isn’t enough time to let myself heal.  Maybe I will “forget” my swimsuit.  I have also gained a lot of weight over the past year.  Really makes the swimsuit traumatic.

I have talked about it (SI) some with my PsyD but not lately.  I dont’ want her to be disappointed in me.  Hate that.  And it’s still humiliating to talk about even with someone who is trained.  You can’t tell me she is not creeped out.  I am.  In the past when the topic has come up, I’ve mentioned this but she says she is not icked out.  How can she not be?  I’m so ashamed.

It’s late and I need to go.  One final thank you