I seem to be rather needy; posting far more than others.  there is so much inside that I don’t know where to begin. Heck I’m not sure what I’ve told y’all. What I do know is that I can’t seem to stop. Normally I can slow down enough so it’s not obvious when it comes time for spring and summer clothes. But not this year. Maybe posting about it will help. I’ve tried journaling but it seems to only be a delay. SI is just inevitable. Once the thought is there, it’s just a matter of time. I hate that. Why can’t writing about it, or knitting or whatever prevent it. But the thoughts don’t go away. Until u do it. Then there is only regret and shame. And u think I’d get tired of livin in shame but evidently I don’t cause I just keep on doing it. I am soooo frustrated. And scared that I will be found out that I’m posting here and the things I’m saying.  My parents and family would freak if they knew.