I feel so stupid and worthless writing about this. I know I’ve written about similar things before, but it really just does make me feel that much more worthless. I don’t have any friends. Correction, I have one online friend but no friends in person. I know people like to just say that you need to get out there and try this or that so that way you can build friendships. I know that it’s supposed to work like that and that it does work for people everyday. It works for people all the time so that’s probably why that’s the best advice everyone gives. The problem is that it doesn’t work for me. It’s like I have some sort of neon sign that is always flashing telling people to run and flee because nobody ever wants to talk to me or do anything with me. I’m not trying to sound like ‘poor me, nobody likes me’ I’m just trying to vent that the reality of my situation really does make me feel worthless. I’m so lonely and I’ve been having a really hard time dealing with everything. Feeling like I’m all alone while going through every struggle every day is just really wearing on me and I’m finding that SI is starting to sound appealing because of how awful I feel. I went 7 months (my best record) without SI and then I ruined it all by relapsing a few weeks ago. I thought that I was done with SI though because it didn’t work as well as I had hoped it would. Now I’m looking at it as an option again because I’m just feeling so terrible. I don’t even feel like my therapist wants to continue seeing me … I think that he wants to refer me elsewhere because I’ve just been so much of a waste of his time. I’m supposed to schedule another appointment with him and right now I don’t have the heart to do it, I just feel so worthless that I don’t even feel like I’m worth trying to get better. I feel like I should not set up any appointments with him or any other therapist because it’s not fair to waste their time on someone so worthless.