I’m so overwhelmed with the urge to drink and self harm…it’s because my partner randomly wants to more to North Dakota. She has a friend there that told her about truck driving jobs where she can make $100,000+/yr. but she’d only be able to come home every 3 weeks to see me…for a year.

All I can think right now is how I could drink and self harm and doing whatever I want as much as I want however I want. Ahhhh my brain is taking over and I feel completely obsessed. At first I was only thinking of how much I’d miss her and how I’d hate to be in bed alone every night.

Then I thought “hmm this would be a good chance to see if I can drink normally” I’m going down to once a month with my therapist in a few months, I’d have little accountability.

No one would have to know. I’d clean up before she got home and that’s over 3x’s how much we make in a year now!