I feel like im losing it. I don’t know why. Everything is going great. Im tired. I just want to stop being that functioning adult. I want to break down and give myself some time to put myself together. And ive been off work for so long now. I had three whole weeks! My new job is amazing. I love it, I have time to actual do things for myself like laundry! But right now, I just want to SI. I don’t want to be an adult anymore. I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t want to be this person everyone knows and loves. I want to be me. Plain old depressed me. I want someone to see that Im hurting. that I wake up every morning and convince myself not to SI. The one who goes to bed at night and blasts music to make sure I keep my mind of SI. But no one sees that. Ive gotten pretty good at that. Heck its been 11 years now? When did that happen? I know im tired, but I have homework to do. I have to eat dinner. I have to shower. And I have to be up at 5 am tomorrow. I can do it. I know I can. I just want to si tonight so I know Im still ….here I guess. I just want to make sure Im still me. Idk I guess that’s weird. Its like every ounce of self control is out the window. It takes so much energy NOT to SI. I don’t know if anyone realizes it. No one even thinks I think of it anymore. HA! How wrong they are.