My sister and I got into a fight. This is the second one in two weeks. I crumble to my core with her. She has the ability to get under my skin like no other. Not my mom, no one can get to me like her. I thought our relationship was better, turns out we just get along when we don’t talk. It’s not that we don’t get along, it’s just that I don’t let her control everything like she likes to and everyone else caters to that so we fight because I can’t stand it. Our little sisters bday is on Friday and I work all day then I go to my home group meeting at 8pm straight from work. She made a smart comment about how I shouldn’t have made a commitment when it’s our sisters birthday. I told her she was being rude and I wish she had let me know she wanted to do something together for our sister sooner than three days before. Her passive aggressive comments drive me crazy. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN J. She said if I’m calling to yell at her she doesn’t have time for it and hung up on me. I was reeling, I threw my phone down punched my steering wheel and then I felt guilty , am I a bad sister for not doing this last minute dinner with her? I feel terrible for being so mad at her because I feel I owe her, no matter how mean she is no matter how controlling she is I feel almost immediately bad about MYSELF because I was a bad sister to her in the past. Ughhhh I’m all twisted now I don’t know what’s wrong or right or why I felt so bent out of shape over her. I can’t stand her!!!! And I would protect her with my life!!!! I’ve been up and down for days now, three days I think, mood swings up up up down down down as often as every 15 minutes and as far apart as hours. It’s exhausting trying to remind myself it will pass and to not act out in the moment. I feel like wrecking everything in me and around me. I had such peaceful moments, where I can see clearly and I feel serenity, then moments like this where my head is so fuzzy, like I’m swimming with my head under water. I have avoided injuring myself today, I have stayed busy. I called my therapist. She didn’t call back forget her too. I went to the gym to release the pressure and that didn’t work, I actually feel more wound up and vicious than before! I feel like I could snap a tree truck in my hand with all the adrenaline surging through my body.