I am a bit out of ideas of what I can do to make things easier on myself. I guess I can clean. It will hard to get started but maybe that will be helpful…… I know that I can’t work because that make balls roll that I may not be available to keep going then that could be detrimental. I know can’t stand any more tv– just going to make me feel worse. I don’t have the concentration to read. And I can’t leave the house in case the cops miraculously show up. ….Now they were supposed to be here by 9. I guess I will just go to work if I don’t hear from them at some point. I feel stir crazy– this is my third appointment with them that hasn’t worked out. And my most effective self-care strategies involve leaving the house. I guess good self-care would dictate that when I just can’t take it anymore I abort my mission and just take care of myself. Black and white thinking says f it all. Hopelessness in the real danger, and I am starting to feel hopeless. I don’t know what to do for hopelessness. I guess invest only in myself. And I don’t know about trying to fix the problem inside myself or in the physical world. I come into that a lot. I feel rage. Rationally, there’s been a snowstorm and the cops get emergency calls and the first day it didn’t work out bc the person who needs arresting was out when they tried to come. I need to be patient. Wise mind says that. It also says that I am trying to force a solution. Monday night I missed meditation to be here for them. Tuesday night I missed alonon to be here for them. Today I am missing work to here for them. My needs are getting tossed aside. Seeing that happening may be the root of a lot of the anxiety I feel now. I have kept desperation at bay, but I need to set a limit on how long I am going to wait for them.