Plans for the arrest got moved forward, but he wasn’t here at the time we moved it to, or a bit later when the cops came to check on me. I made him a big meal and have been waiting for the cops to get here, but I haven’t been able to get in touch with them. I’d really like these two officers to be the ones to do it. At this point I’d have to wake him up for it if they did come– one of the two is on duty until 1am so it could still happen tonight. My sleep is crucial for keeping myself together so I took a nap. I’ve gotten a lot of exercise. Soothed myself with food treats. I’m doing such a wonderful job regulating my emotions. And part of that is knowing that I feel uneasy when not distracted. I have no idea what the fall out of this is going to be, but I am certain that something needs to happen and now is an ideal time for a couple reasons. It’s scary. I feel like a little, little kid when I say that. I feel childish when I feel scared. Turning things over is a good strategy. Do my part, take the brave action, then pray. Part of me thinks it’s such a weak, stupid thing to pray. It makes me really mad and lead to urges to hurt myself, punish myself for being so stupid. I don’t want to take an easy way out. But I’m talking about stuff I can’t control– or I can try to control by not taking the right action, and that doesn’t work well. Maybe I’ll sleep in my clothes? In case they come. I was able to nap so I will probably be able to sleep. I just need to keep hanging in there.