Tonight is one of those nights when, if we were still speaking, I would call him and go to his bed just to feel wanted for a little while. I know that he used me because of that and treated me terribly which is why we don’t speak anymore. Once I stood up for myself it was over. There are still these nights when I long for even a second away from the loneliness. These are the hard nights when I want to give in and SI. I can’t even explain it. I spent my entire day surrounded by my family and my friends but when all the commotion died down it’s like I can’t pretend anymore. I know that everyone around me today loves me and wants me to be ok. It would hurt them to know that I’ve been struggling this much. In these quiet moments I’m just hurting.