I am restless and antsy and have the urge to SI. I can picture myself doing it, and picture it how it feels. I am feeling a loss of control in some situations right now. I don’t think I am doing the correct things and that I will get in trouble or mess something up. I don’t have a handle on some of the things going on and I don’t know what to do. Little things start to trigger me more when I feel like this. I am hanging on and not SIing – I know it will NOT help. But I need to figure out some way to feel like I have control again, or be okay with not having it at the moment. I just don’t want to mess up or do something wrong. I don’t want my mess ups to impact other people. SI won’t get me control of the things that feel out of control at the moment, but it will give me the power to make a choice and do something.
I am worrying too much and analyzing situations too much. I feel myself in this spiral that seems almost desperate. I am desperate to hang onto something that feels stable and sometimes that only thing seems like SI.