hi. i’m 13, my name is Roya, and i’m in yr 9. i don’t think i can wear short sleeve tops for a while until the scars heal. i did them yesterday and i’m scared to look at them because they make me scared, alone, and worthless. thankfully, my elder sister, Yas, has been through it before, so when i did it i called her. it scared me so much. I DON’T WANT TO DIE.
my other sister, she said that if i did it again, she’d call Springfield mental hospital. but when i injure, i feel whole. the first time i did it, was after an argument with my sister. and i felt happy when i did it. the second time i wanted to feel pain because i felt like i wasn’t worth anything.
the one i did yesterday looks really scary.
but i think i might be getting better. i listen a lot to green day, paramore, papa roach, and a bit of slipknot when i’m feeling really lousy. sometimes i feel as if i’m really messed up in the head. i need a counsellor, but i’m scared of getting one, scared of the outcome. my mum got me a tape recorder, but i don’t think that’s the same, do you?
it’s kind of funny that i don’t want to die because i’ve tried to harm myself so much.
i just feel sooooooo awful sometimes.