This year has been a roller coaster in recovery for sure. It wasn’t all bad, I’d say the good has definitely outweighed the bad. I made it to a year and a few months sober by just hanging on. I have self harmed on and off throughout the year but way more off than on, that’s progress. It’s not where I’d like to be but it’s better. In march I thought if I could just have one good drunk then it would silence the addict demons in my head and stop torturing me every minute with the urges to drink. I learned my lesson that I really can’t stop once I start. I thought I could do it on my own and just get sober again when I wanted to but that wasn’t true for me. I drank almost every day for four months, I put myself and others in dangerous situations, I did a lot of really stupid things just to get my hands on another bottle. Out of the relapse I learned that I cannot drink in moderation, that I can’t drink safely, that the progression of alcoholism gets worse every time not better, that I can be an alcoholic at 26, that when I drink I cannot stop until I’m passed out or blacked out-and the biggest part I learned about it is that despite all this knowledge and all the experience, the alcoholic part of me can convince me in a heartbeat that drinking is a good idea and I can believe it. The only reason I stopped was when I got on my knees and begged God to save me from it because I couldn’t help myself. That sounds way too religious or spiritual to me but that’s what happened and I haven’t taken a drink in six months and 3 days nor have I been tortured by the constant urges. I’ve made progress in therapy, I’ve finished two more semesters of college, I’ve grown closer to my family. At the moment I’m very upset with all of them but one and they don’t have a clue because I’m too scared to tell them, and I don’t think my feelings are real anyway, I’m pretty sure they aren’t actually. I’ve learned this year who was honest when they said they’d be there for me through the good and the ugly. These handful of people made all the difference to me during my relapse. They didn’t give up on me and they loved me and cared about me through it. Thank you 2013 for all the lessons you taught me.