I feel as if I’m trying so hard to make my life have a turn around and it’s all just slipping away into wasted effort. I’m trying therapy and medicine but I can’t seem to get past my own head. I’m trapped in all of the same self defeating thoughts, I can’t escape my own poor self-esteem. I’m so afraid of getting hurt again. I’m afraid of being a burden to people. I’m so afraid to try anything new because I can’t get away from the memories of all the past hurts. I can’t escape the abusive cycle that my mind forces me to repeat over and over again. I just wish that I could force there to be a change, I’m so exhausted from constantly beating myself up over everything. I need supports in my life but I just always seem to choose the wrong ones and end up being worse off than I would have been without a support. I’m struggling to hold onto hope that things will actually get better, it’s hard to believe that I’ll ever be able to escape this cycle and get out of the pit I’m in.