I’m so upset tonight. It’s after 1am and I just a got home from driving around looking for somewhere open to buy a plunger. Yea this is about a plunger. I know the “halt”- hungry (yea) angry (yea) lonely (not so bad) tired (YES) so it makes sense and I’m reminding myself it will pass. My day was going fine until my partner called on my way home and got upset I didn’t get the things we needed from the store because I didn’t check my phone before I left. Also, I left one of my cats locked in the bedroom all day apparently and she used the bathroom everywhere and that smells terrible and is gross. She’s hormonal and sad and not acting like herself at all. I just forgot to check my phone, I had a doctors appt this morning where I had to make amends for lying, I had school, and I worked for 10 hours-I was rushed out of work because I was working past my shift because they left me so many things to do and I only have two hands. I got home, we’re arguing, and the toilet is clogged. I have a lot of fears and one of them is driving at night. Obviously we need the toilet so I had to go buy a plunger, she wouldn’t come with me so I braved the dark roads alone with the Halloween partiers drunk driving and people in mask in the scary Walmart near my house. Of course the closest 24 hour Walmart was fresh out of plungers. Anyway, I felt so sad and confused about what’s going on with us and I’m so tired and I want relief. I automatically wanted to abuse drugs and alcohol and SI. For some reason the drugs part is really on my mind today. I picked up a normal prescription at my pharmacy and it just reminds me of every time I did that when I was using and the joy and relief and fear I felt when I’d get my scripts filled. My fear was that I’d run out, always. My solution was to cry and just face my fears and go get a plunger in the dark and walk past people with mask on. It scared me so much.