So I am finishing up my final year of grad school. I am desperate to be done with classes and get on with life. But sometimes I think the main reason I am so fed up with school is due to my classmates. It is not them really, but me. I have always had a hard time making friends. When I was growing up it was hard to have friends because of all the stuff I had going on at home. I am introverted, quiet and definitely not a natural leader. I usually had a few friends I could talk to at school, but nothing more than that. I was what someone might call a loner – but not because I wanted to be.
In college I experienced a whole other side to friendship. Maybe it was because living on campus you have live in friends and see the same people pretty much all day. I loved this time. I had a lot of friends, did fun things and just loved the feeling of belonging.
Now…well there is none of that. I work, go to school and now am married so it is hard to find extra time. I feel like I am 14 again and do not belong among my peers. Many of them are younger so they still like to drink and have fun on their off time, while I don’t have much off time and when I do, being the introvert that I am, need to spend time alone.
Any of the friends I had in college moved and now have their own lives. I still keep in touch occasionally, but don’t “hang” out with anyone really. Since this has been a common thing I don’t think much about not having close friends, but every once in a while I start to feel really down about it and wonder what is wrong with me. I would like some friends – like close friends but it is hard to know how to make friends as an adult. After school I want to move to another place and get a fresh start somewhere and start living the life I want. I have all these dreams and I am afraid that they won’t come true. Of course I know I have some responsibility in all of that, but sometimes taking control can be hard.