I am not a patient person and today has been a day in which I really am struggling to be patient. It is one of those days where I feel on edge and just need to catch a break. It hasn’t all been bad. Some of the major things that have not gone well I have had helpful people trying to help. But now I feel guilty that they had to help me with something just because I can’t be patient. I got so wound up in how I was feling that I came very close to SIing. I needed to express my frustration and anger – and now this sense of guilt. I became very rage-like and because I didn’t want to hurt or break something I wanted to resort to SI. I never want to hurt someone else or something else so I felt SI was my only outlet for that rage.
But… I didn’t. I cried and screamed instead. Not sure if it was effective but sometimes the frustration just bottles up until it has no where else to go. I wish I never got to that point. I wish my impatience didn’t get the best of me.