I find myself drawn here right now. I’m watching a documentary on netflix right now called Tent City– about homeless people who get organized and try to heal. They are so easy to relate to for me. For many years my best friend was a homeless man–he was probably the only person who made sense to me then– he saw the whole world as an illusion that he didn’t want any part of. My life has changed so much. I was in a mental space of the people in the movie– totally outside, broken. The thought has been coming up for me a lot about how good it is that I faced so much difficulty in finding a therapist who would work with me– I ended up in a system that was strong enough to support me and with a therapist who was strong enough. Now everything has changed. I face a lot of difficulty in processing the change– how I feel about it. Especially as my life keeps moving forward. I’m looking at two job prospects– one would engage the academic, nerdy, art snobby part of me…. so socially sanctioned– my mother would be so proud. I’m not ready to be that person. I’m not ready to leave myself behind. I only need to be present, don’t need to figure things out. I’m so grateful to be safe now. It seems to be a long shot that I am even still alive….. I have no other thoughts to follow that one….