Why am I struggling with these thoughts again? I’ve been feeling a little bit down the past few days, but not absolutely horrible. I even had the fleeting thought that I was actually getting a little bit better but I quickly gave up on that idea. My day in reality wasn’t that terrible, I had a few minor bumps but that’s it – nothing to be overly upset or worked up about. Despite my day being alright I’ve found myself battling with suicidal thoughts again. I don’t even understand why I’m feeling like this, why these thoughts are invading my conscience again. I don’t understand the thoughts anymore than why I randomly seem to burst into tears during the day. Over the past few weeks all it takes is a song to come on the radio and I bust into tears for no real reason. It’s so frustrating being such an emotional mess. It’s like I feel okay and yet at the same time my mind is still swinging in the blue and it’s totally unpredictable. I can’t tell when my next mood swing is going to be until it’s already here and it’s too late to try to prepare for. The mood swings make me nervous when I drive because sometimes they hit really hard while I’m driving and I can’t help but worry about how impulsive I can be sometimes and I worry that I might end up getting seriously hurt. I just wish I could figure out what’s wrong with me, why am I up and down all the time?