I’m feeling jealous. I don’t know what sort of emotion that is– fear? anger? I don’t know what to do about it because I don’t know which heading it goes under. I’m thinking that I should turn my attention to all that I do have — but I also just want to feel it — though it’s very uncomfortable. There’s a lump in my throat. I guess I think jealous is a “bad” emotion and I should get rid of it. My thoughts say I am indulging in self-pity– and I can hear my sponsor saying that. But maybe I can just feel bad for a moment. I’m looking at opportunities — one– that I am probably too old for and I can’t compete with people who come from money… have a lot of international experience, etc. and that seems to be what this place wants– I need to remind myself that I have value. Certain doors are closed to me, but not all doors. I feel really sad about opportunities and experience I missed out on because I screwed up my life. That’s another effect of getting on my feet, seeing what’s out there is also seeing what has gone by while I was all but unconscious.