It seems like every time that I think I’ve hit my ultimate low, a new wave comes around and brings me even further down. I don’t even know how to describe how I feel at this point. My depression is consuming me. It’s managed to get to the point where I think about it almost constantly because it’s always hovering somewhere in the back of my thoughts. I had a lot of time to work on college work today and I spent three hours not accomplishing anything, not for lack of trying, I just couldn’t do it. I try to read the text books and focus on the writing and I can’t get my mind to stop being so preoccupied with how depressed I am. I can’t sleep either … as soon as I lay down my mind forces me to relive every memory of everything that I’ve ever screwed up. I can’t get a break from it. My eating is screwed up right now too because I feel guilty every time I eat anything so then I try not to eat and then that just results in me giving into cravings later on in the day which makes me feel lousy about myself all over again. I’m just so tired of feeling like this. Everyday is the same struggle, the same monstrous task that I have to try to drag myself through. I’m so close to just throwing in the towel and giving up on everything. I honestly think that I need to be hospitalized because there’s no way that I can find my way out of the sea of blue that I’m drowning in. I’m so impossibly lonely being trapped in this depressive coma but there’s no end insight for me just yet. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep going on like this, things aren’t getting better, they’re getting worse – so much worse.