When I first came to this site, I was looking for help. Someone to talk to that would understand what I do and why I do it for. I was hoping to get an understanding of it. The reasons for doing it and hwo to try to try to control the urges to do it.
There has been a few that has gone out of their way to try and help. They were willing to listen and offer advise when needed. Thanks to all of you…..
But, I have come to realize that, in general, I’m no one. A Ghost. It doesn’t really matter what I do or why I do it for. People may say that they understand but I’m sure that they really don’t. I know that I’m not like everyone else in the world. I have problems. I have talked to some people about them but it still all boils down to be my problems. I’m the only one that can solve them or fix myself.
I learned about something in one of my classes called empathy. It’s about as close to understanding a person as one can get without actually having been there themselves. Putting yourself in one’s shoes. It’s not agreeing with the person but understanding why they do what they do. For example, we might not be able to understand why so-and-so is so angry all of the time. We don’t agree with it, they need to control their anger better, because it is not okay to verbally attack others. Now, that being said, empathy is where a person would say: “It’s horrible that so-and-so was always criticized by their mother growing up.” It doesn’t make the action right in any way and that person by all means needs to take responsibility and do the necessary work to get their anger under control, but we can at least understand why they may be doing what they are doing without having been there ourselves. Now I will admit, there are just some people I will never be able to empathize with, and I think that is common though. Sexual abuse is something I have absolutely no tolerance for, I can’t empathize with someone who does that to a person. I can’t empathize with people who have no remorse for hurting people. One thing I also learned in my class besides being empathic is being honest. You can’t properly treat someone if you are not honest up front. My professor can’t tolerate sexual abuse, I don’t even think he could treat a person who does that. At least, not without telling them up front that it disgusts him. It’s that mixture of grace and truth. A person can’t heal without both of those things. To go on to your next part about you solving your own problems. You are right in saying that you are the only one who can solve your own problems. I once heard someone say that God did not drop an ark out of the sky and tell Noah to get in, but the Lord gave Noah the instructions to build that boat. Noah could have either 1. not built the boat and died in the flood or 2. built the boat and survived. It’s a good thing he built the boat. People will help you if you let them, but you also have to do what you can to help yourself. I had one girl I used to work with who did not help herself at all. I eventually told her I was done helping her. I was not the only one. So did everyone else. You know what she did? She got help for herself. When I asked some of my friends a while back why in the world they haven’t left me yet, all of them said the same thing: “Because you are doing what you can to help yourself.” I hope this is helpful to you.