I used to find the saying,”ignorance is bliss” offensive and used to feel bad for the people who knew so little as to see the world as perfect and happy and all that sickly-sweet nonsense. I now feel as though I would do anything for just a spoonful of that blissfully numbing ignorance. I have come to the state of mind where I wonder, are happy people just deceiving themselves? Is happiness really an unachiavable nirvana and people who think they are happy are just so good at lying that they have managed to convince themselves that they enjoy living a life where we’re do nothing but wait? Because we are constantly waiting. When we were a fetus we were waiting to be born, when we were toddlers we were waiting to become adults, we’re always just waiting, waiting waiting. Waiting for the post to be published, waiting for that text, waiting till it gets warm to go swimming, waiting in line waiting to do that homework waiting to get to the end of that book waiting for the grass to grow waiting for the day to be over waiting for that day where we will finally know whether or not heaven is actually real. I’m tired so tired of waiting. It’s sad because I’ve been thinking that I’m never going to be happy am I? Never gonna get better never gonna chance never gonna become a good enough liar to lie to everybody including myself. I dont see the point anymore 🙁 and I can’t find more than one way out. Am I even worth it? Am I worth anything but constant pain? Do I even deserve anything better?