I am getting really annoyed when I hear phrases like “it will all work out in the end”, “it will be okay”, “if it is meant to be, it will be”. I understand why others say this, and to some degree I know things will work out – they usually do. But in this moment right now I just need someone to listen and understand that I am anxious, nervous, sad, frustrated, lonely, etc… In this moment I need to know that I am supported, valued and loved, even if and when things don’t work out.

I need to practice how to live in the present. I am too focused on the past, what happened, the future and what I want (and then worry what will happen if I don’t get it). How do you live in the present moment and just worry, and also be grateful for, what is happening right now? I have learned these skills before, but my brain is to tired to remember the stuff that would actually be useful to me right now. I feel it might help a lot as I go into my last (and hopefully final) year of school to learn just to be in the moment sometimes.

I am so anxious. It will be a a difficult and busy year ahead. The year that people wait and watch to see if you sink or swim. Most of the time I can rise to the occasion and “swim”, but at what cost. I get too worked up, too stressed out, and too self-conscious about everything. I am also to hard on myself and automatically view SI as that source of punishment. I want it to be a good year, but I am already imagining the worse before it even starts. But “it will all work out for the best”, right?