I’m sooooooo emotional. I feel utter hopelessness and sadness-as real as it feels right now I know it’ll probably fade soon. This happens once a month every month. I feel like SIing. I imagine it automatically images come to mind, but I try to push them away. I think I romanticize it sometimes. Sometimes it seems beautiful and cathartic and I try to remember that’s not reality. That hasn’t been the reality for me and self injury ever. Maybe at one time it was cathartic and maybe the first few times it is for a few seconds. Always followed by remorse and shame. I’m at work and I’m uncomfortable physically-my old self conscious thoughts are back. I’ve gained weight and I feel terrible about myself. I’m very aware of it today. Anyway my break is over and I have three hours to go. I plan on going home and taking a shower and pulling the covers over my head.